ummm........ ok!When you follow cool people, brilliant unintentional collaborations happen. We have enough to shoot a new television episode and make $thousands; hundreds of $thousands. This is a twitter happenings from the Tuesday before thanksgiving. We are gifted writers.


@SimpleNate Ugh. Sick AGAIN for the last 24 hours. Why do I get sick when I’m trying to make healthier decisions in my life? Where’s Dr. House?

@DJIncompetent It must be Sarcoidosis. And Lupus. Sarcoidlupus!

@phneri It’s never Lupus!

@skreesha wow, it’s like I just started watching House again

@DJIncompetent Patient contact! Everybody lies! Onoz my leg! Vicodin-nomomom! I’m a goddamn genius! Idiot!

@SimpleNate It’s not Lupus. CT his liver, run a LP and biopsy his brain.

@phneri I found the solution! It’s fungus! Super cancer deathassfungus! Angry rant at Wilson and surgery scene!

@SimpleNate Wait, if you treat that fungus, it’ll kill him. First we need to make him worse.

@skreesha Force him to run on a treadmill until he collapses

@DJIncompetent Wilson! You weren’t there last night! You were seeing a girl you should break up with cuz I haxorz your email!

@DJIncompetent Freeze! Extreme face closeup! OMFG Epiphany! Dramatically walk out of the room mid conversation! next scene!

@SimpleNate It’s not the cancer that was making him sick. the patient is ALLERGIC to cancer!

@skreesha The cancer cells are allergic to copper!

@SimpleNate The patient, in the head, with a copper bullet.

@DJIncompetent House! Patient won’t accept treatment for copper-cancer-double-allergy because his son will die of his karma-religion

@SimpleNate You’re an idiot. Get Cuddy to reluctantly accept my bullet treatment and make a joke about anal sex.

@DJIncompetent Before that Cuddy will have to sign off on my fake test and waive 8 hours of clinic duty. Bump into her boobs!

@SimpleNate Patient had rabies. Let’s wrap this up so I can play piano, drink whiskey and stare off into space.

@DJIncompetent Cue montage with sad licensed song and show House at the only time he’s ever laughing but it’s inaudible.

@phneri Close out with final WTF drama scene of Wilson working on his hidden meth lab. Losing first tooth.

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2 Responses to Twitter Screenplay: House M.D.

  1. John says:

    I was following along with this on Twitter and I’ve gotta say, my wife watches this show and the bit about “He’s allergic to cancer!” made me laugh out loud. That one sentence sums up the entire show.

  2. Hilden says:

    I lost my shit at that line as well. I’ve watched the show maybe three times and it always seemed like the most ridiculous shit was going on.

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