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I’ve been bitching about how worthless E3 is compared to the smaller single hardware conferences for years. E3 is ok for dropping the scantest of detail on new hardware and namedropping the existence of something I would like without showcasing any relevant detail, but as far as gaming software is concerned, the target audience is everybody you’re affiliated with besides yourself. DGR runs the ustream chat during E3 keynotes. I don’t follow a livestream of the actual conference or anything, but I drop by various live IRCs and shoutboxes to watch the awful reactions to E3 unfold during my work day. They don’t cease to amuse. Today I overheard what I gathered to be the Microsoft keynote. I decided to cut and paste the fun snippets I read in passing. I have no idea what was announced at the time, but maybe you can put these into context…or just reminisce about what just happened.
2:12 jluedtke: Oh God…
2:12 jluedtke: This is awful.
2:13 jluedtke: Why do I watch these?
2:24 philhaymes: WTF am I seeing
2:24 scrawnton: hahahaha horrrible
2:24 jarrodj: This is horrifying!!!
2:29 fluffy_nuts: i want to punch this guy
2:29 rwiggum: God, is he giving a gaing presentation to press, or selling coke to strippers?
2:29 jluedtke: The lack of creativity from these companies is actually stupifying.
2:31 jarrodj: I hate this so much.
2:31 deadward: they already have a wii they don’t use anymore though
2:31 jluedtke: I’m just amazed that it took four years to come up with this.
2:33 scrawnton: how is this an adventure
2:33 rwiggum: It was just a mediocre sports collection
2:33 scrawnton: WHERES TEH <censored> ADVENTURE?!
2:33 philhaymes: I see nothing here aside from a great collection of mini games 4 years out of date
2:35 deadward: Whatever, I hope it works out and extends teh life of the 360 a few more years. I don;t want to have to buy another new console in a year
2:35 jarrodj: The fallout from this is gonna be insane
2:38 TeamFremont: See, this <censored> just SOLD my wife on this
2:40 jluedtke: I hate to sound like Hilden here, but it’s times like these that makes me wish Apple was at E3. 😉
2:40 TeamFremont: THAT’S RIGHT!!!
2:40 QuVat: This will totally sell my wife on this
2:42 jarrodj: This is great, but once again the last 40 minutes are things you shouldn’t be showing GAMING press and a GAMING convention
2:43 jluedtke: I don’t hate it. I’m just disappointed.
2:44 jluedtke: If by “iterating” you mean “completely copying”, then yes.
2:44 rockhstrongo: dance game
2:45 philhaymes: seriously this <censored> is terrible
2:45 destrin: okay, I’m impressed by the dancing
2:45 deadward: sweet uprock from the back-up dancers
2:47 jluedtke: I wish Atlus had a live streaming press conference.
2:47 deadward: for real
2:47 jarrodj: Yeah I would much rather watch that
2:47 philhaymes: if I were a 16 year old girl maybe I’d be interested in this
2:51 jarrodj: <censored> George Lucas’s vision
2:51 QuVat: with the STar Wars license
2:51 jluedtke: So an arcade style game. Ok…
2:51 jarrodj: This looks HORRIBLE
2:51 rwiggum: OH <censored>, force powers
2:52 jluedtke: I was trying to get positive here. But I’m ith Jarrod.
2:53 rwiggum: Oh, head tracking
2:53 rwiggum: Nice
2:53 QuVat: oooooh head tracking, like it
2:53 jarrodj: Forza is the LAST racing game I want to play like this
2:55 QuVat: Srsly, who the <censored> is gonna do this? WHo is gonna walk around their living room just to view a car?
2:56 elewis17: Could I scan my g/f’s hot friend into this?
2:59 deadward: we streamlined the design and manufacture, and will still charge you the same price!
3:01 jluedtke: Well played, Microsoft. You just presented the worst E3 conference I’ve ever seen. Congrats.
3:01 TeamFremont: future of the industry. There it was, boys
3:03 philhaymes: I didn’t see a single thing in there that I’d actually want to lay down money for, not a single thing
3:03 QuVat: Maybe, H. We still don’t have a cost for Kinect?
3:03 jarrodj: For the good of humanity, I pray that this thing tanks like you wouldn’t believe.
3:04 philhaymes: @ john – I think this is the first time that there hasn’t been a single thing in there for me
Thanks for playing. As a consolation prize, here’s a slider shmup coming out this month called Crossfire by Radiantgames
‘may or may not be the best news of E3. ha!